Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
bring money and cleavage
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
