you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
