Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
