My liver just broke up with me...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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