i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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