My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
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he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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