she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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