You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
