Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
