his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
