my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
