Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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