I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
