Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
