Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Drake has all the answers
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
