it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
