you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
