I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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