i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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