Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
