I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
