bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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