I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize