It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
