Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
