I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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