based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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