where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
