Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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