Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
