watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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