Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
