I wish I could teleport
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love having hate sex.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
