the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
