dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
