what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
