Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
