"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
