i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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