So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
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you told grandpa to call you daddy
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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