Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
