she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
