so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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