I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
