she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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