dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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