did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
