If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I AM VODKA MAN
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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