1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
