No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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