your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
