PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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