took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
