theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
