tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
