i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
