no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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