I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
