i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
