Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
