we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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