apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
