because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
