I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You ate ashes out of my bong
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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