I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
