How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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