so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
