hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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