we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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