I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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