I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
