Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
