she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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