if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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