why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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