I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize