Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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