I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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