I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
