i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
