so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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