our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
